My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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