Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
