How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
