I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
