In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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