My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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