haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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