The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You dont lie about slip and slides
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize