I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
