no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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