why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
