i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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