And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
