it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
