I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
