Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
