I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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