So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My feet surprised me
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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