my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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