Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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