i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
