just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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