Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
