Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
