I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
