Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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