Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
