Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
