.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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