Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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