my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
