So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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