there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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