sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize