you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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