I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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