I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
