but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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