you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
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The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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