mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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