mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize