its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
