The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
