i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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