ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
