this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize