mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
