Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
