Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
