You work out of a Hotel?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
