Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I wish there were birth control emojis
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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