Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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