Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
