help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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