Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
