I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
