bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
