I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
