i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize