i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
