please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
