i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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