You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
