Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?