When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that