I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh