is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i don't like sucking hair
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.