Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis