I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed